hopeless.

i just couldn't do it yesterday. it hurted too much. that and stupidly spending my money to the point of now living on croissants and the occasional scrap has worn me down alot. i'm so tired. i needs some vitty C or summat. i feels all hopeless like, i have no energy, though i did walk to work this morning. how the hell can i exercise when i barely have enough energy to fucking move??

this pay, i am going to NOT blow all my money on something dumb. i am going to buy stores of food for dinners, in spite of my phobia of having food in the house. i'm sick of living on nothing every second week. *fuckwit* i get SO ANGRY at myself every non-pay week.

owwwwwwww.

i has sore leg muscles today (not due to running) but i shall suck it up and run anyway.

thats about it, rly.

derpa derpa derpa

orrite.

well so far all is going okay. we're all up to date so far this week except i missed a walk this morning. it was only because i got home too late to get up at 6, and i went on a mighty runaround the night before when i was out. i was impressed at the fact that i broke my precious "one day on/one day off" pattern and chose to run two days in a row so that i didn't have to yesterday or today (running again saturday). i've had dates both nights, so i could see conversations going thusly:

cecilsfriend: hey cecil, what time should we meet at x?
cecil: oh well i have to go for a run so i'll be there in about an hour
cecilsfriend: oh um. . .okay. well we're going to y shortly but if you want to meet us at z instead then maybe we can. .
cecil: oh actually, you know what? fuck it. i'll just come with you now. i can run tomorrow!

. . .and on it will go daily. so uh, go team motivatory.

i've got a way more positive attitude to exercise than i did last time i attempted. before it was all bout collapsing, calories: burning of, flagellance, repentance, weight loss. now i'm doing it cause i wanna, and i'm not pushing myself too hard too early. its alot more fun. there's something really primal about running that i'm a big fan of. i get all pissed off at the stinky fuckwits on the train and i get home shitty then take off all my work clothes, wash face, dress AERODYNAMICALLYYYYY, don fancy shoes and RUN THE HATE OUT.

ah, so much hate.

but uh. . my plan to stop drinking basically died in the arse but i haven't done hard drugs for. . . 6 days. which is uh, good? *sucks*

i'm not even a big drinker, really, i've just been going out alot more since the SPLIIIIIIIIIT. i think that i'll just start ordering sugarfree redbull at bars, with cocktailz at da rose being the only exception, heh. also the amount of sugar i take in via alcohol pisses me off, escpecially when i get no joy from it alot of the time. cocktails i thouroughly enjoy, at least.

i'm going to stop eating so much junk, too. sure i've lost the weight and don't care so much about how i LOOK anymore, but all the chocolate and the coffee are giving me headaches and making me lethargic, and this is not conducive to marathon running.

uh. . . okay so really i didn't have anything much to say, but i feel like if i stop posting then i'll stop running or something. if i've written it down, i can't make excuses, or summat.
-cecil

it begins, again.

okay, crap.

so i've started ye olde couch-to-fiveKm.

meaning i am not yet able to run five kilometres.

a marathon is 42.195 kilometres.

aw, shit.

well. . .what have i done recently?
yesterday i did the VERY FIRST run/walk of the VERY FIRST week of the 5km plan.
today i got out of my stupid bed early and walked to work. i've mapped it and it's 5km neat. so basically within just over two months i should be able to run that distance comfortably.



. . .uh huh.

-------------------------
REASONABLE.
-------------------------
for reference, i consider myself to be a reasonably fit but untrained person of reasonable health, apart from smoking which is. . .very unreasonable to say the least. i'm also not fat, weighing in at a reasonable 55kg at 5'7", and i don't eat total shit, apart from my inability to function without pastry.

so this won't be an amazing, heartwrenching tale of fat american slob turns life around and becomes professional athlete and avoids parents fate of burger-induced type-II diabetes.

sorry.

it should, however, be funny to watch.

-cecil

ZERO!

oh crap.

so, my dad ran a marathon on sunday (yeah, a full one) and still had more energy afterwards than i did. he's more than twice my age.

i was proud of him, but pissed at myself. i'm supposed to be at my physical peak. why the fuck aren't i running marathons?

so i decided ise gonna.

it will probably take me at least 18 months, based on the fact that i'm starting at zero.

. . . . . . .


yeah.